A Triumphant August Return!
SALT AIR....
Hello again! I accidentally took a full July hiatus like I’m European or something. Ah, well. It was too hot to write anything anyway.
This time on The Nice Capades…
Are we sure Ilia isn’t a Leo?
It turns out Zak Lagha CAN smile when he’s not in character.
The Russians are coming.
What I Did On My Summer Vacation
Publix has candy corn on display, I didn’t immediately start sweating when I stepped outside this morning, and the first figure skating competitions of note happened this week. I wouldn’t quite say that summer is over, but the fever is breaking. Back to the ice, friends!
And there are some new friends here! Despite my near total absence this summer, a steady stream of new followers found this Substack. I suspect most of you don’t actually mean to be here and accidentally clicked yes to subscribe to recommendations when you actually just meant to subscribe to Drinks with Broads or Fiction Matters. No hard feelings if you duck out the back door, but maybe you’ll decide the party looks fun and you’ll stay for a drink. We have plenty of ice.
Let’s catch up!
Given that summer is the off season, not much has happened and so much has happened. I couldn’t possibly recap everything we talked about since last time, but here’s the what’s standing out to me.
Ilia Malinin announced something but not nothing. Absolutely everyone on figure skating social media made that joke this week, but here I am making the same joke again because it’s simply accurate. Last Sunday, Ilia made a big show of posting dramatic Instagram stories saying he was, “grateful for the many years,” and he would make a “serious” announcement this next day. And then he posted a dramatic video of his skating at Sun Valley, interspersed with clips from his competitions, followed by a confessional-style video where he said he couldn’t believe he was saying what he was about to say, and then that suddenly cut to graphics declaring “Vision 2030” and that something is “coming soon.”
It was all very Angela from The Office pausing the Christmas party to let everyone know their paychecks will arrive on time and in the correct amount but please standby for an announcement about your paychecks. A lot of people are rolling their eyes at this, but I think Ilia might actually be a god-tier troll. I look forward to his next round of nonsense. At least he is INTERESTING and didn’t let media training turn him bland.
Ice Dance continues to play out like a reality dating show this summer, except I’m not actually sure anyone involved is romantically engaged, though at least one of them would like you to think they could be?
In case you missed it, Hannah Lim and Zak Lagha did finally come out as partners. Because Hannah competed internationally for Korea last year, they have to sit out a full international season and can only compete domestically in Canada. But don’t worry, Hannah is hard at work winning the court of public opinion with a steady stream of social media hijinks showing that see-Zak-is-fun-he-just-needed-the-right-woman.
The more we see of Marjorie and Zak with their new partners, the more obvious it is that they fucking hated each other. Maybe that’s an exaggeration. Maybe they tolerated each other fine but just had zero off-ice chemistry and treated each other like neutral business partners, and now they’re enjoying the honeymoon phase of new partners that they haven’t been forced to hang out with since childhood. But then Zak gives interviews where he says stuff like this and you’re like, “Ohhhhhh, it was like that, then.”
While we’re on the subject of Marjo and Zak and their new partners, I want to say that I agree with friend of the Sub, Laura Motta, that Ice Dance teams don’t get to pick their own nicknames. FURTHERMORE, I don’t care how clever your nickname is, a three syllable nickname like Bakerie is simply too much nickname. And I think you have to say it with a French accent to be fair to Marjo. By the time I get that name out with the appropriate French affectation, I forget what I want to say. I will be calling them LaBa, and I will not be taking feedback on it. (BY THE WAY.. la-bas is French for “over there,” which— if you think about it— is ALSO a clever nickname for a new Ice Dance team.)
In less fun gossip, it would appear Kaitlin Hawayek is not in a great mood about whatever happened that led to Jean Luc partnering with Marjo. She unfollowed Jean-Luc on Instagram, and she’s posting Insta-stories that say things like, “Your Peace Is More Important That Understanding Why Something Happened The Way It Did. let it go.” Who knows what actually happened there and if she’s vague-posting about this or something else, but it’s a real bummer if they’re not friendly anymore. Hoping it’s something that can heal in time. In the meantime, she’s giving pointers to Hannah and Zak, so… take that as you will.
Hannah Lim’s old partner, Quan Ye, also announced his new partnership with former solo ice dancer, Hannah Kim. I’m just going to leave this here.
And one more Ice Dance nugget… I think we have an early dark horse favorite for this season’s breakthrough team. Amy Cui and Jonathan Rogers just upset both Pate/Bye and Neset/Markelov at the Lake Placid Ice Dance International. Like the scores weren’t even close. Granted, Pate/Bye made a pretty big error with a twizzle fall, and this is really early in the season. But there’s some buzz around Cui/Rogers, and their Sinners free dance feels fresh and sharp. It’s really, really hard to leap frog the standings in Ice Dance. But there’s usually one team every couple of years that manages to do it, possibly so the judges can prove everything isn’t fixed. My early bet is on Cui/Rogers. Can’t help but notice they’re coached by Igor Shpilband, who also coaches last season’s breakthrough team— Emi and Vadym. Is it too early to say Igor’s stock is rising and IAM’s is falling, particularly within the pecking order for American teams? 👀
Meanwhile in Russia, you probably already know this: the Russians (and Belarusians) will be allowed back this season, though they’ll be competing as “Neutral Athletes” again.
The big question is: who will the ISU consider neutral, given enforcement of their own criteria. Skating social media seems to think that “neutral” will be applied much more loosely than it was at the Olympics. Kamila Valieva is scooping up a Benoit Richaud program, which I am not sure she would be doing if she thought she would be banned from competing internationally. For reference, Kamila currently has a video pinned to the top of her Instagram account where she is standing next to Putin and applauding. So.
But you know who will NOT be competing, even though she already has neutral status and a chance at making it off the Grand Prix waitlist thanks to her Olympic performance? Adeliia Petrosian, who announced she is leaving Eteri and has no other coaching team lined up. She’s 19 years old, so I’d say that’s right on schedule.
Of course, not even this re-admission to competition is enough for grand dame, Tati Tarasova.
Three Non-Figure Skating Things: What I Did On My Summer Vacation
Read my nephew’s college essays. He’s very secretive about them, and I’m honored to be chosen as his adult reader from the family. I just hope he is not annoyed with me for repeatedly saying, “You could make this active instead of passive if you…”
Made the viral sweet potato and ground beef recipe that’s everywhere on your TikTok or InstaReels. If you some how managed to miss it, here’s one version of it, though there are certainly many other versions with their own nuances and tweaks. It’s now in heavy rotation for me, and I’ve started doing Cabot Greek Yogurt instead of cottage cheese as the topping, and it’s especially great if you stir it up with lime juice.
Got really into The Five Star Weekend, both the book and the TV show. Also the accompanying podcast, hosted by author Elin Hilderbrand. It’s not something I planned or expected, but I found a copy of the book at a beach house. And before I knew it, I was alternating between the book and the audiobook so I could be reading it during every spare second. I’m not a Hilderbabe, but maybe I could be. Still unpacking why this one hit my dopamine sensors so hard. I’m thinking a combination of timing, descriptions of food, and centering female friendship.
What’s next: More news as it happens, a wishlist for the 2030 quad, and what I’m watching for this season.
Something to be said about Igor finally realizing that letting his teams get outside choreo really helps them.
The Friends clip for Ye’s partner is perfect. 🤣 Hauled myself all the way up to Lake Placid to see ice dance international. Sui/Rogers program made the 10 hour drive worth it.