May Off-Season Updates
No rest for the weary. Stay vigilant out there; your fave could be next.
The hard thing about loving a niche sport is that you see a bombshell Instagram post and you gasp out loud, and the person you’re with asks what’s wrong. And by the time you give enough detail to explain what’s happened, their eyes glaze over. It’s not very satisfying to share your skating gossip with someone who thinks a Triple Axel is normal.
Anyway, that’s why we have each other. Here’s what made me metaphorically clutch my pearls this week. I would never wear actual pearls to work from home. Come to think of it, I don’t even own actual pearls.
Marjorie LaJoie & Zak Lagha (aka LaLa) ended their Ice Dance partnership.
Some of you already know this and are a week into wearing your mourning clothes. Alas— what could have been!
Some of you are like, “Who?” because the only Canadian couple anyone talked about at the Olympics was Piper/Paul.
For the new fans/surface fans: LaLa were the obvious successors to not just Canadian Ice Dance, but also the Worlds Podium. Some would say they should have surpassed Piper and Paul more than once already, but they were held back in the scores for the sake of Ice Dance politics— Canada could only put their eggs in one basket, so they chose the legacy team.
As it turns out, I actually have so much to say about this one, including speculation about what really led to the break-up of a team that seemed likely to land on the World Podium as soon as next season. So, paid subscribers, you’ll get my post-mortem later this week. Look forward to a close reading of the text (their Instagram captions). As a teaser, I don’t think that Zak Lagha’s partner of 15 years spelled his name, “Zach,” on accident.
Starr Andrews would very much like to be excluded from this narrative.
If Figure Skating twitter is to be believed, the American Pairs teams are engaged in a high stakes game of off-season musical chairs, like they’re speed dating their way to Alps 2030. This is The Bachelor on Ice, and the man they all want is the Internet’s Anti-Boyfriend. It’s like everyone saw GuiLo get together in one season to win the gold and responded, “WHY NOT ME,” forgetting they are unfortunately both generational talents.
The rumors reached a fever pitch last weekend with Deanna Stellato’s name thrown into the mix as a potential spoiler for some possible new American pairings (though do we really think Skate Canada would release her, now?).
So, no less than 24 hours after big time American Pairs speculation hit the Internet, Starr, who is very online and pretty savvy about her image, dropped the news of her new partnership with Daniil Parkman. Maybe she always planned to announce this week. But I would not be surprised if she heard about the rumors and was like, “Oh, hell no. I will not be involved in this nonsense. Big D, we go live now.” Because even though Starr’s the one new to Pairs, you know she’s the alpha in that pairing. And I am sure she calls him Big D because have you seen them stand side by side?
And here’s me leaning toward you with a drink in my hand to speculate wildly: maybe this was also strategic to lock him down. If people are hopping around, maybe she wanted to make sure he couldn’t jump ship if something interesting came along. Not that he would, but all bets seem off at the moment in American Pairs.
I don’t hate this partnership for her. He seems like a competent partner who won’t steal her shine. And I’m happy for him, too, because I’m suspicious he got dumped by Katie McBeath because she wanted to secure someone who is definitely an American citizen. Totally reasonable, but I can imagine that would still smart if you’re the one left behind.
Speaking of Starr, she’s having a great time at Beach Week with a bunch of other US skaters. I am SO CURIOUS to know how this specific group of skaters became good enough friends to say, “You know what, guys, we should totally go to Florida together.”
Another verified union? Kaori Sakamato and Mr. Sakamoto.
At her recent retirement press conference, Japanese skater and icon Kaori Sakamoto ended the event by saying, “Oh, yeah, also this is no big deal, but I got married last week.” (Not her exact words, but close.)
As it turns out, she met someone in university, and it seems like they have secretly dated for years because she’s talked about him coming to some of her competitions, including the Milan Olympics. Supposedly, he’s calm and collected while she zooms around like a toddler on Pixi Stix. Cheers, Kaori!
Not everyone is excited about this news, as there is a dedicated Wakaori fandom (they ship Wakaba Higuchi with Kaori). Wakaba didn’t exactly help put out the flames of that fire because her reaction to the news was surprise in the tone of, “I have a lot to think about.” I suspect this is more a translation thing than an actual melancholy reaction, but have at it, Wakaori shippers.
Meagan Duhamel could give a flip about your 2-week suspension. She’s going to catch up on her Netflix watchlist and eat vegan cupcakes while she waits.
This is old gossip at this point, but SUPPOSEDLY Bruno Marcotte cheated on Meagan Duhamel with another coach at their rink. And then ALLEGEDLY Meagan was pissed and yelled at the other coach at work, and it was bad enough that the rink sent out an email about it.
In case you’re new, Meagan is a former champion Pairs skater from Canada, and she was part of the same Team Canada as Tessa/Scott that won the Team Event at the Olympics in 2018. Bruno was her coach. (And that’s gossip for another day.) She’s some what notorious for being a very vocal presence on skating social media, for better or for worse. No one has ever accused Meagan of suppressing her true feelings. One time, some British skating commentators were caught on a hot mic calling her, “that bitch from Canada,” and one of them got fired.
So now, Skate Canada announced a two week suspension for Meagan for “bullying and harassment” of another coach, and no one is detailing exactly who she bullied and when and how but…. you can probably put this one together, Encyclopedia Brown.
I’m not saying we should condone yelling at people at their place of work, but I can’t help but be amused by Meagan’s reaction to all this. She did the appropriate thing by releasing an official statement taking accountability (you will notice she never once apologizes). But then she posted this on Instagram pretty much the same day:
Note her comment after her caption.
Basically…
And two more skating links I enjoyed this week:
Layne Fargo, friend of the Sub and writer of The Favorites, met the Stars on Ice cast this week and had the absolute thrill of learning she did not need to tell Jason Brown about her book because HE ALREADY READ IT. What a dream!
Adam Reisinger interviewed Nicole Bobek for his Substack, and I am obsessed with the fact that the only modern day skater she wants to praise is, “the Bulgarian girl.”
Three Non-Figure Skating Things:
Dracula Daily kicked off at the beginning of this month, and you can still hop on the train if you’re willing to do some catch-up reading. This is a fun annual literary tradition where subscribers receive the journal entries that comprise the Dracula novel on the days they’re written (except now and not the 1800s).
I know it’s basic to say this, but I love Swedish gummies. I found a bag of Sockerbit sour gummies in the wild this week, and I had to force myself to share with the children I happened to be with, even though a little voice in my head hissed, “This experience is wasted on you! You think Sour Patch Kids are great!” Later, I offered one of the same children a second sour gummy because I was feeling generous, but she wanted a mini-candy bar instead.
The same weekend I had to share valuable imported gummies with unrefined palates, I also had the pleasure of visiting The Paper Canopy in Charleston. Fellow stationery nerds, put this one on your watchlist. I think I almost converted my friend to be a stationery lover when she got really into the idea of using wax seals on her notes. That’s a pretty fancy gateway drug, but I didn’t discourage her.
What’s Next: Paid subscribers, I’ll be back later this week to give you my detailed thoughts about the LaLa break-up. Everyone else, I’ll be back next weekend for the usual round-up.
That beach group is such a random mix of skaters!
Okay, I did not catch that Marjorie misspelled his name!! 👀