June Off-Season Updates

Just like the Shib Sibs, I'm back.

Sat down to write today and realized I accidentally took a full month sabbatical during June. Whoops. It’s the off season, and there’s not much happening anyway, so I hope you’re still with me and will agree that we should all take a month off every summer anyway, like we’re French.

To remember what stories I want to share, I take screenshots on my phone. Here’s all the screenshots from June.

Chock and Bates are working with a Spanish choreographer to create a “contemporary flamenco” program. It seems like they saw the Shibs coming back and decided to run as fast as they could at a program that siblings couldn’t do without tiptoeing around incest. Good for them, as long as they don’t make this into a “Evan is the bull and Maddie is the flag,” kind of thing.

After surgery last season, Loena Hendrickx is jumping again. Looks like she’ll be ready to earn that second Belgian Olympic spot in October, but I admit I was kind of looking forward to a Nina/Loena showdown for the one confirmed Belgian spot. They’re both assigned to the NHK Trophy in the Grand Prix, so I figured Belgium was prepared to make them fight to the death.

Speaking of comebacks, reigning Olympic Pairs champions Sui/Han are back and assigned to a couple of Grand Prix events. This is surprising because Han retired after the last Olympics, citing a back injury. Sui announced her comeback earlier this year, and everyone assumed it would be with a different partner. Seems like that guy wasn’t up to snuff, and now Han, “appears to have been convinced.” That could be code for, “his authoritarian country is forcing him because they have no other Olympic contenders.” But I like to imagine Sui pulled up in front of his house in a convertible and said, “Get in, loser, we’re saving Pairs.” I want to be excited about this because I think she is hilarious and fierce; just hope he is actually recovered enough to compete.

Another comeback, sort of: Gabby Daleman. I say, “sort of,” because I feel like she’s been trying to come back for a few years now and keeps getting derailed. She had another surgery last year, and now she’s showing up at summer comps and putting up short program scores that absolutely put her on par with some other senior Canadian women right now. That said, I think Maddie Schizas essentially has the Olympic spot clinched unless someone like Gabby outscores her all season. Not impossible but unlikely.

In the opposite direction of a comeback, Lindsay Thorngren seems to be officially out. She’s no longer listed in the ISU’s World Standings, which would suggest she is OUT out. This is not totally shocking considering her harsh scores at US Nationals this year, but it’s disappointing.

In happier news, Alysa Liu sees your “neutral” Russian teenager and raises you a restored Triple Axel. The surprise World Champ is making the media rounds this summer and telling Boomer Esiason, of all people, that she’s planning to throw out the triple Axel in the Olympic season. We’re living in unprecedented times, so I guess it makes sense to share figure skating news on a talk show hosted by a retired NFL quarterback.

Back to sadder but inevitable news, both Kaori Sakamoto and Wakaba Higuchi are officially retiring after the Olympics. And they’re not being subtle about it. Kaori is skating to “Time to Say Goodbye,” AND, “Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien.” Wakaba is skating to, “My Way.” Stand by for some VERY dramatic kiss-and-cry reactions.

You know who is never retiring? Lilah Fear and Lewis Gibson. Here’s a preview of their latest pre-season photoshoot, complete with some very 90s hair for Lilah. The all-white outfits vaguely suggest The Backstreet Boys to me, but there’s no way they’re not doing the Spice Girls for the 90s Rhythm Dance, right? We, as an audience, deserve that.

We also deserve Johnny Weir on The Traitors. We’re getting Tara, too, which is less interesting to me, but they basically build Johnny in a lab to compete on The Traitors. If you think about it, he’s the figure skating version of host Alan Cumming. Tara might actually be a more stone cold competitor, but Johnny has campy reality show oozing from his pores. You can already hear him cackling in his confessionals.

If you’re not listening to The Runthrough’s summer “Lore” series, you’re missing out. They’re using the off season to release weekly episodes taking us through the “lore” of each discipline, digging into the history and gossip that helps to explain the current state of skating. So far, there are witch doctors, Canadian curses, bar fights in Spago, coaches giving their actual blood to their skaters, and someone wearing someone else’s wedding ring around her neck at the Olympics, which is how his wife/dance partner found out he was cheating on her. I’m HOOKED.

For the Jason Brown fans among us (read: everyone), he seems committed to “vlogging” his Olympic season on his Instagram. He’s delightful, but it’s also very inside baseball for those of who like to see what goes on behind the scenes.

Three Non-Figure Skating Things: Other Stuff I Screenshot Last Month

• This Spotify “daylist” title that amused me:

• This patriotic but practical seagull:

  

• This well-known Always Sunny image because I was trying to explain something confusing to my boss:

  

What’s next: We’re back in the saddle with weekly newsletters. I’ll see you next Sunday for some summer endorsements. Spoiler alert: I’m really into air conditioning right now.