April Endorsements

While we wait for Olympic program announcements, let's get into bitchy cardinals.

Thanks to a link on Reddit and a mention on the Scoreography podcast, there’s a very small flood of new faces here this week. Hello, I am terrified to meet you.

It should be the goal, right? To attract readers to my Substack? Why am I writing online if I want to remain in the shadows?

Here’s my dilemma: I want to yap about skating and hardly anyone in my real life is willing to do that with me, but I’m scared of the hard core skating fans. They are serious, they are opinionated, and they can be CUTTING. I’ve lurked on the figure skating Internet long enough to know that I don’t know anything. I can’t tell a Lutz from a flip. I can only pick out an Axel because they face forward. (Leans in close and whispers) I don’t even have strong opinions about Hanyu.

So, in the interests of making sure you’re in the right place— you should know that I am a very enthusiastic, very amateur fan. You’re not getting hard-hitting technical analysis or the opinions of a seasoned skater with lived experience. I’m not an expert; I’ve been on skates a handful of times.

I’m here to have fun, to dig into the stories, and to—at times— speculate wildly and unseriously. I assume most of my audience likes figure skating but is not paying attention to it on a regular basis. We’re here for the good parts, not the part where you slo-mo a replay of a landing and write essays about unfair edge calls. If all that sounds cool to you, you’re welcome to stick around. Just please don’t be a jerk in the comments. Remember that no one here is taking it that seriously. I have a full time job. This is my escape. If this Substack makes you mad or annoys you or bores you, please don’t waste your precious time here. I mean that seriously. Your time is precious— enjoy it.

And— you should know I don’t always talk about figure skating. In fact, this newsletter originally started as a creative writing exercise to keep in touch with family and friends. I started to write about figure skating sometimes, and the content evolved over time. Sometimes, like today, I barely talk about figure skating at all.

With that- here’s my endorsements from April, a week late because of the Shibs surprise comeback announcement.

Deep Cuts, Holly Brickley

Percy and Joe meet in college and bond over their obsession with good songs and song-writing. Percy has no actual musical talent, but she’s excellent at explaining why a song works or doesn’t work. Her critiques of Joe’s songs tip his indie band into pubic recognition. Does Joe love her? Or does he love what she can do for his musical career? And can she ever be more than just a muse for someone else’s musical genius?

I’ve found myself increasingly bored with the usual Happily-Ever-After Romances, and I’m gravitating more and more to these more complicated, literary love stories. I’m reluctant to use the word “literary” because that feels like I’m shading the writing skills and intelligence that goes into creating romance novels, but I’m having trouble coming up with a different publishing term to describe what I mean. This felt cut from the same cloth as The Favorites or The Wedding People, where there is certainly a romance and it may even be a central feature of the plot, but it’s really about a complex woman Having Realizations against an interesting background.

Also recommended— the playlist the author created, featuring many of the songs Percy and Joe discuss.

Maejean Vintage’s Instagram

I’m obsessed with watching the showcase Reels from this vintage jewelry seller. They’ll curate a selection of pieces, based on the brief provided by the customer, and then they’ll share the outcome of what the customer ultimately chose. Here’s a good example. I’m frequently annoyed that the customers choose the most boring options, and I daydream about what a great customer I would be and how fanciful my brief would be. I’d ask for a vintage poison ring, and they would love me.

Conclave

I avoided this during award season because it seemed like a bunch of old white guys gunning for prestige. Also, I was raised Catholic and figured this would just be a scathing critique of the Catholic Church that I’ve already heard 100 times. But then I saw someone post a clip comparing it to the Burn Book exposé scene in Mean Girls, and intrigue caught me. Why, yes, I am actually interested in papal Gossip Girl. A friend texted me, “One of my co-workers recommended this saying, “I didn’t know this but apparently bitchy cardinals are my thing.” I can’t say it better than that.

And for anyone who is wary because of your own Catholicism… I can’t say how you might receive this. I’ve seen a lot of offended Catholics. For what it’s worth, I didn’t think this was an indictment of the Catholic Church. If anything, it seemed to offer some hope and a reminder of what is at the heart of Catholicism. But I am not extremely devout, and your mileage may vary.

I don’t think you can replicate the experience of watching this movie simultaneously with tracking the actual real papal conclave this week, but it was one of my favorite parts of April.

And to bring it back to skating: the soundtrack could work for a program. I can see someone skating in a deep red capelet.

Trader Joe’s gnocchi on a sheet pan

I’m pretty sure I’ve discussed Trader Joe’s gnocchi before? It’s one of my freezer staples, and I’ve been eating it on repeat this month. But have I talked about cooking it on a sheet pan? Because I think that’s crucial to know. Every time I try to cook it in the skillet as suggested, it goes gluey. If you’re buying any frozen gnocchi from Trader Joe’s— cauliflower, sweet potato, kale, whatever other seasonal varietal they have—consider cooking it on a sheet pan. Let it thaw on your counter for a few hours. If you try to cook it from stone cold frozen, this doesn’t work. Pre-heat your oven to 400 F. Cook for about 20 minutes. Use a spatula or tongs to flip them and cook a little longer— maybe 7-10 minutes. That’s how you get that nice browned look you see in the photos. I like to cook it with broccoli or Brussels sprouts and serve with a protein like chicken sausage or air fryer tofu.

Hey, comeback gods, do Kaitlin and Jean-Luc next.

Three Figure Skating Things:

• A lot of people had a lot of feelings about the Shibs last week. The Scoreography podcast and The Runthrough both have thoughtful commentaries. They both ultimately agree with me— this is good for competition, but it’s also kind of messy. I couldn’t help but zero in on Ashley’s offhand comment (paraphrased here because I can’t remember her exact wording), “They were so nice when I interviewed them at Worlds…. I should have known.”

• Isabella Flores totally has a new partner and she wants you to know it, even if she’s not saying who yet. This girl is so good at social media, at crafting a propulsive narrative. She’s been coyly hinting at a new partnership for weeks now, slowly and quietly removing her husband/ex-partner from her feed. She knows that a lot of her audience is there for the chemistry with her old partner, and she’s easing them into her next phase without renouncing him. Say what you will about her or the way she reacted to the accusations against him, but it’s a smart business move for her to gently back away from him when so many of their fans don’t believe he did anything wrong. I’m not saying I condone that or think it was the Right Thing To Do; I’m just marveling at her strategic social media pivot when she previously built a whole following and income stream on teasing a relationship that is now poison. I thought she was toast; pretty sure I’m wrong.

• This 2012 skater video set to “Call Me Maybe” just re-surfaced. Please enjoy this nonsense.

What’s next: Back next weekend to talk about whatever happens this week. Who will un-retire next? Some reputable Russian journalist says there’s still at least one more big Olympic comeback. Get your bets in now.