2024 Worlds Preview: Ice Dance!

Omg, I haven’t even started writing about Ice Dance, and I’m already bored. (That doesn’t bode well for you as a reader, does it?)

Here’s the thing: I could essentially copy and paste my newsletter from the 2023 Worlds preview, and it would need minimal editing to remain accurate. Ice Dance is so political with deliberately obtuse rules to keep it that way, and so the top contenders stay the top contenders until they retire. It’s like those country clubs where no one gets in until someone DIES.

And it should be the most fun discipline! They get to have theme nights! Like this year is “The 80s!” Ice Dance essentially gets to stage a college party mixer on ice. They don’t have to worry about pesky splats from jumps that ruin the vibe. Their coaches are all melodramatic with interesting hair and coats. And don’t get me wrong, you will have fun watching, particularly the Rhythm Dance because of the aforementioned 80s. I just wish it didn’t feel so predetermined.

Okay, rant over. I’m tempted to just tell you which Ice Dance couple aligns with which Baby-Sitters Club characters rather than give you an actual breakdown, but I know some of you are new here and haven’t heard me say the same thing a million times. So, let me behave.

The Contenders:

The medals will be given in this likely order to this trio:

• Madison Chock/Evan Bates (USA): The literal ones. Madison is actually dressed as a clock while skating to a song called “Time.” Undefeated all season, won the last Worlds. Some how hold the World Record despite FALLING DURING THE PROGRAM. But Madison Chock is so charismatic that you can almost forget that part. (They are Stacey McGill. I will not be taking questions.)

• Piper Gilles/Paul Poirier (Canada): The weird ones. Always doing something a little off, a little art class. Like, instead of skating to an 80s song you know, they skated to the original version of “No More I Love Yous” that Annie Lennox later covered. They do actually have a chance to upset Madi/Evan since this is a home Worlds for them; that might just give them the edge. (Claudia Kishi, if you’re curious.)

• Charelene Guignard/Marco Fabbri (Italy): I don’t know enough about skating and Ice Dance to know this for sure, but I suspect they might actually be the deserved winners. I find them the least interesting of the top three, but I think they might be technically superior to the other two. They have a pet chinchilla, for what it’s worth. (Mary Anne Spier.)

There are no Dark Horses in this event because it would take a catastrophe for one of these teams to NOT make the podium. (Again, Madi and Evan FELL in their program last year and still set a World Record, so WHAT WOULD IT TAKE.) I guess it could happen, though. So here’s the B Team, tapping their fingers and waiting for The Olds to die and let them into the Country Club:

• Lilah Fear/Lewis Gibson (Great Britain): Their brand is camp, and it’s working. Some might say it’s working too well and they’re getting way overscored. They have the power of Tessa Virtue behind them (she mentors Lilah), and that seems to be their edge. They actually did beat the Italians at a competition earlier this season, so if there’s an upset— it’s probably coming from them.

• Laurence Fournier Beaudry / Nikolaj Sørensen (Canada): I don’t really want to talk about them because of the sexual assault allegations against Nik. But yeah, they’re in line for the podium if someone vomits on the ice.

You know I have to talk about this— can the Americans keep three spots for 2025?

If Chock/Bates win gold, then yes. That means the next best US team has to place at least 12th, and that seems pretty likely. If they don’t win gold but are still in Top 3, I still think the answer is yes, but it does get a little dicier, depending on how the other two US teams stack up with a packed middle tier of skaters.

It’s probably all riding on Christina Carreira and Anthony Ponomarenko, the current #2 US team. (Pause to pour one out for Hawayek/Baker.) If you look at season’s best scores, they land in 10th, but their scores are pretty close to the two teams ahead of them, so they could arguably place higher than that. They have excellent programs this year— probably the best of the US teams, in my humble opinion. BUT, they land in the middle tier of skaters that all have very similar scoring potential. So, if they botch some twizzles or a have a wonky lift, things could go south fast.

And I wouldn’t count our Bratti/Somerville as the second highest US placement. They surprised everyone, probably including themselves, when they earned the third Ice Dance spot over Caroline Green and Michael Parsons. They have momentum. I think the US Fed has marked them as The Future and might be throwing some political weight behind them. I will be watching their score with deep interest to see if they have a sudden jump in points at this event.

Other Teams To Watch:

• Marjo/Zach (Canada): We are now at the point in the newsletter when I am too lazy to write out full names. Here’s the thing— I love them. They deserve to be in the mix for the podium, but they have two veteran Canadian teams ahead of them and it’s unfair. If you speak romance novel, you might describe them as “grumpy sunshine.” (Don’t misunderstand me— they do not appear to be romantically involved. They just have that cheerful/curmudgeon dynamic.)

• Olivia Smart and partner (Spain): Her last partner retired after the Olympics, but she wasn’t ready. Now she has a new guy, and he’s fine. But Olivia is the real star. Rizz for days. I think if she would pair up with Madison Chock and one of them had enough strength to lift the other, they would blow out the lights in the arena with their combined power.

• The Weird French team. You’ll know it when you see them.

• Lim/Quan (South Korea): They have the X factor. Something about them feels very fresh and bright to me. They’re one of them teams that I find myself watching without getting distracted by my phone. I know, high praise.

• Eteri’s Daughter and her Husband (Georgia): Nevermind that Diana and Gleb have represented Russia at the Olympics. As soon as Russia got banned, they stopped competing in Russia and rumors emerged almost immediately that they planned to switch countries. Eteri is crazy like a fox, and you can almost see her pulling every string she has to keep her daughter in international competition. Given their skating skills, they have suspiciously high scores. They didn’t get any invites to the Grand Prix series this year because of their status as a “new” team, but they did well at most comps they entered. This event feels like a Rorschach test to see where the judges put them in comparison to other top teams. If they’re Top Ten, you should smell a rat(eri).

• The Finnish team! They chose Taylor Dayne for their Rhythm Dance, which was genius.

• The Czech Teams: Both brother/sister duos, both with the same coach. They’re both wildly fast on the ice. To me, the interest here is seeing how they place. The Taschlers have been around and paid their due, but the Mrazeks have been nipping at their heals. I’m curious to see if they stay in order or if the youngsters surge ahead.

Three Non Figure Skating Things:

• Did you know that when you feel like you’re on a boat even though you’re on solid ground, it’s called Mal De Debarquement? And that it can least for a few days but maybe weeks or years and there’s not really a cure other than some vestibular exercises? Ask me how I know.

• You know what does not help Mal De Debarquement? Walking on a treadmill. I don’t know why I thought that was a good idea, but I am here to tell you that it’s not the answer you seek.

• I told one of my co-workers about it today, and she said, “Oh no, I’ve had that. That’s terrible. I feel horrible for you. Should you be here?” And it is just so satisfying for someone else to validate your illness and suggest you should take to your bed. Bravely saying, “No, I’m fine. It’s not that bad,” did more to improve my condition than whatever a doctor might suggest. That said— I am smart enough to know that I am lucky not to live in the times of Jane Austen, but I do wish that we, as a society, told people to stay in bed more often.

Helpful Links:

Competition Schedule (includes some options for viewing worldwide)

Competition Schedule, broken down by time zone

Jackie Wong’s Blog and Twitter (for actual technical analysis)

Ashley Wagner and Adam Rippon’s podcast, The Runthrough, for lighter analysis from real skaters.

Previous Worlds Previews: Pairs, Women, Men

Up Next: IT’S HAPPENING. Worlds starts tomorrow, 3/20, with Pairs and Women. You can follow me on Instagram or Twitter if you’d like to see any of my on-the-fly comments, but I’ll warn you now that I do not post/Tweet consistently when I’m watching. At the very least, I’ll be back here on Sunday to give you my season wrap up. Have fun out there and stay hydrated!